In the preface to his book entitled The Upper Room, J.C. Ryle writes these words about the compilation of articles that will follow: “All of them, I venture humbly to think, will be found to contain some useful truths for the times, and words in season.”
Those words were
written back in 1887 and yet, reading them in 2014, it is as though they were written
for today—applicable truths for this time, and needed words in this season. One
of the articles in this book that impacted my heart most is an article written for parents about how to raise our children in the way they should
go. It’s a wonderful article full of convicting truth, but in every way seasoned
with grace, intended to encourage, and full of hope.
Ryle calls the article
The Duties of Parents, but I wonder, if he were one of our contemporaries and
was writing today, perhaps J.C. Ryle would contribute to a blog and would have
called this article 17 Things Every Christian Parent Must Do.
The following 17
points (along with the many tweetable thoughts quoted underneath) are all
Ryle’s points and words. The full article was several thousand words long, so I’ve
chosen favorite quotes from each point. I’m writing them here not only to
better remember them and engrain them upon my own heart, but also because I know others
might benefit from these reminders, too.
1. Train them in the
way they should go, and not in the way that they would.
The child knows not
yet what is good for his mind and soul, any more than what is good for his
body. You do not let him decide what he shall eat, and what he shall drink, and
how he shall be clothed. Be consistent, and deal with his mind in like manner.
Train him in the way that is scriptural and right, and not in the way that he
fancies.
2. Train up your child
with all tenderness, affection, and patience.
Love should be the
silver thread that runs through all your conduct. Kindness, gentleness,
long-suffering, forbearance, patience, sympathy, a willingness to enter into
childish troubles, a readiness to take part in childish joys—these are the
clues you must follow if you would find the way to his heart. …Sternness and
severity of manner chill them and throw them back. It shuts up their hearts,
and you will weary yourself to find the door.
3. Train your children
with an abiding persuasion on your mind that much depends upon you.
God gives your
children a mind that will receive impressions like moist clay. He gives them a
disposition at the starting point of life to believe what you tell them, and to
take for granted what you advise them, and to trust your word rather than a
stranger’s. He gives you, in short, a golden opportunity for doing them good.
See that the opportunity be not neglected, and thrown away. Once let slip, it
is gone forever.
4. Train with this
thought continually before your eyes—that the soul of your child is the first
thing to be considered.
Precious, no doubt,
are these little ones in your eyes; but if you love them, think often of their
souls. No interest should weigh with you so much as their eternal interest. No
part of them should be so dear to you as that part which will never die. The
world, with all its glory, shall pass away; the hills shall melt; the heavens
shall be wrapped together as a scroll; the sun shall cease to shine. But the
spirit which dwells in those little creatures, whom you love so well, shall
outlive them all.
5. Train your child to
a knowledge of the Bible.
See that they read it
regularly. Train them to regard it as their soul’s daily food—as a thing
essential to their soul’s daily health. I know well you cannot make this
anything more than a form, but there is no telling the amount of sin which a
mere form may indirectly restrain. …Fill their minds with Scripture. Let the
Word dwell in them richly. Give them the Bible, the whole Bible, even while
they are young.
6. Train them to a
habit of prayer.
Prayer is the very
life breath of true religion. Prayer is, of all habits, the one which we
recollect the longest. Many a grey-headed man could tell you how his mother used
to make him pray in the days of his childhood. Other things have passed away
from his mind… passed from his memory, and left no mark behind. But you will
often find it is far different with his first prayers. He will often be able to
tell you where he knelt, and what he was taught to say, and even how his mother
looked all the while. …Reader, if you love your children, I charge you, do not
let the seed-time of a prayerful habit pass away unimproved.
7. Train them to
habits of diligence and regularity about public means of grace.
Tell them the
importance of hearing the Word preached, and that it is God’s ordinance for
converting, sanctifying, and building up the souls of men.
8. Train them to a
habit of faith.
I mean by this, you
should train them up to believe what you say. You should try to make them feel
confidence in your judgment, and respect your opinions as better than their
own. …Tell your children, too, that we
must all be learners in our beginnings—that there is an alphabet to be mastered
in every kind of knowledge—that the best horse in the world had need once to be
broken—that a day will come when they will see the wisdom of all your training.
But in the meantime if you say a thing is right, it must be enough for
them—they must believe you and be content.
9. Train them to a
habit of obedience.
This is an object
which it is worth any labour to attain. No habit, I suspect, has such an
influence over our lives as this.
10. Train them to a
habit of always speaking the truth.
Press upon them at all
times, that less than the truth is a lie; that evasion, excuse making, and
exaggeration are all half-way houses towards what is false, and ought to be
avoided. Encourage them in any circumstances to be straightforward, and,
whatever it may cost them, to speak the truth.
11. Train them to a
habit of always redeeming the time.
Teach them the value
of time, and try to make them learn the habit of using it well. It pains me to
see children idling over what they have in hand, whatever it may be. I love to
see them active and industrious, and giving their whole heart to all they do;
giving their whole heart to lessons, when they have to learn; giving their
whole heart even to their amusements, when they go to play.
12. Train them with a
constant fear of over-indulgence.
Parents, I beseech
you, for your children’s sake, beware of over-indulgence. I call on you to
remember, it is your first duty to consult their real interests, and not their
fancies and likings—to train them, not to humor them, to profit, not merely to
please.
13. Train them
remembering continually how God trains His children.
There is no surer road
to unhappiness than always having our own way. To have our wills checked and denied
is a blessed thing for us; it makes us value enjoyments when they come. To be
indulged perpetually is the way to be made selfish; and selfish people and
spoiled children, believe me, are seldom happy. Reader, be not wiser than God;
train your children as He trains His.
14. Train them
remembering continually the influence of your own example.
Be an example of
reverence for the Word of God, reverence in prayer, reverence for means of
grace, reverence for the Lord’s day. Be an example in words, in temper, in
diligence, in temperance, in faith, in charity, in kindness, in humility. Think
not your children will practise what they do not see you do. You are their
model picture, and they will copy what you are. Your reasoning and your
lecturing, your wise commands and your good advice; all this they may not
understand, but they can understand your life.
15. Train them
remembering continually the power of sin.
Children require no
schooling to learn to sin. But you must not be discouraged and cast down by
what you see. You must not think it a strange and unusual thing, that little
hearts can be so full of sin. It is the only portion which our father Adam left
us; it is the fallen nature with which we come into the world; it is that
inheritance which belongs to us all. Let it rather make you more diligent in
using every means which seem most likely, by God’s blessing, to counteract the
mischief.
16. Train them
remembering continually the promises of Scripture.
Train up your child in
the way he should go, and when he is old he shall not depart from it (Proverbs
22:6). Think, too, what the promise contains, before you refuse to take comfort
from it. It speaks of a certain time when good training shall especially bear
fruit—“when a child is old.” Surely there is comfort in this. You may not see
with your own eyes the result of carefully training, but you know not what
blessed fruits may spring from it, long after you are dead and gone.
17. Train them, lastly, with continual prayer for
a blessing on all you do.
Without the blessing
of the Lord, your best endeavours will do no good. He has the hearts of all men
in His hands, and except He touch the hearts of your children by His Spirit,
you will weary yourself to no purpose. Water, therefore, the seed you sow on
their minds with unceasing prayer. The Lord is far more willing to hear than we
to pray; far more ready to give blessings than we to ask them; but He loves to
be entreated for them. And I set this matter of prayer before you, as the top
stone and seal of all you do.
************
Ryle concludes this
article by writing that he will pray for all who read this paper. Isn’t that
awesome? Back in the 19th century, an old, grey-haired man was praying for all
the parents who would read his words—a prayer that, in God’s providence, would
include fathers and mothers hundreds of years after his death.
The concluding words
of Ryle’s prayer for the readers are these: “The Lord grant
this, and then I have good hope that you will indeed train up your children
well—train well for this life, and train well for the life to come; train well for
earth, and train well for heaven; train them for God, for Christ, and for
eternity.”
